Player Versus Player

Posted: 3 June, 2011 in Dickhead of the Week, pvp

Ok, first of all, I need to get this off my chest.  It’s got nothing to do with World of Warcraft so those of you not interested in a random rant can just skip right ahead to the next paragraph.  I hate being lied to and treated like I’m some kind of moron.  I hate it.  Violently.  So of course, watching TV, especially news and advertisements, usually sends me into a frothing rage.  On my last ship I was actually forbidden from sitting in the mess when the news was on.  True story.  So anyway, you know the sort of thing I’m talking about.  “New Crappee Washing Powder, Improved formula!”  What the fuck?  You’ve been selling your junk with the “New, Improved” bullshit attached for the last fifteen years.  By my reckoning that must mean the crap you were selling us fifteen years ago must have actually been making my clothes dirtier!

Which leads me onto MacDonalds’ new advertising campaign in the UK.  “The Great taste of America returns to MacDonalds!”  Does no-one else see the comedy in that?  No?  The Great Taste of America.  MacDonalds.  What, do they suddenly have burgers on the menu now or something?

It gives me RAGE.

So anyway, we’ve not had Dickhead of the Week for a while.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Akrion!

Now those of you who pvp on a regular basis probably have no idea what I’m talking about.  Nothing out of the ordinary here.  What we have is me just about to cross Blackstone Span on the way into Lol Barad when some window-licking mouth-breather reasonably politely asks me to help him kill some pvp-flagged Hordie, who just happened to be sitting next to the level 85 Elite horde guards waiting for incredibly stupid people to take a shot at him.  I equally politely told him no thanks, as I wasn’t interested in seeing my health drop from 100% to nil in half a second and have to spend the next five minutes after rezzing waiting for an unwanted debuff to wear off.  Also I suck.

Apparently, this makes me homosexual.

First of all, since there’s pretty much absolutely nothing wrong with being homosexual, it’s a really crappy insult.  But you know, take it in the spirit in which it’s intended and all that.  This is, believe it or not, the first time I ever reported a player for abuse.  I’m not sure what exactly prompted me to do something on this occasion instead of the usual approach – ignore and keep riding.  But something got to me this time.  Not the fact that I’d been insulted, because it really didn’t bother me.  Strange as it may seem, the opinions of aggressive, retarded children don’t factor much into how I decide to run my life.  If Bill Hicks had told me I sucked I’d be heartbroken, but the opinion of Akrion the cockmonkey matters not one whit to me.  In fact, if cockmonkeys like this disapprove of you, you can pretty much take it as given that whatever you’re doing, you should probably keep doing it.

But no, what prompted me to actually do something on this occasion was social responsibility.  This asshat’s wandering around our server randomly insulting whoever he likes, and he’s getting away with it.  I know he’s getting away with it, because if he’d ever been reported and banned he wouldn’t be doing it.  Up until now, the consequences of this nasty little shitbag wandering around casually spoiling peoples’ days has been precisely zero.  It’s been precisely zero because we do nothing about it!  Don’t waste time arguing with these butt-nuggets.  Never argue with idiots.  They just drag you down to their own level and beat you with experience.  Hit the shits where it hurts, get them banned.  You end up with less arsehole on your server.  It’s win-win.  There is NO downside.

Also, it’s getting very depressing that every time I run across one of these bottom-feeding oxygen thieves it’s in a pvp context.  To put this into perspective, sure, you get arrogant, obnoxious turds in pve too.  Of the dozen or so random heroics or Baradin Hold raids I’ve run this week I’ve run into one of these arseholes maybe once or twice.  The tank who drops group after the first boss because the loot he wanted didn’t drop, for example.  But the second you queue up for a random battleground or the battle of Lol Barad I run into dozens of them.  Rude, aggressive, selfish, obnoxious wankers.  Everywhere.  And yet, the pvpers in my guild are pretty decent, polite, capable and intelligent folks.  Does the act of hitting that “Queue for Random Battleground” button transform you into a slavering idiot?  What strange magic is at work here?  But of course, the important distinction is that the guys who pvp in my guild are all on rated battleground and arena teams.  The idea of someone like our good friend Akrion, who thought that attacking a flagged hordie standing inbetween two elite guards was a sound tactical move, actually being a member of a team that could do anything more complicated than queue for the toilet, fills me with lol.

So Galadan once again found himself defending Lol Barad from the clutches of the evil horde, and once again we failed miserably.  I’m beginning to think it’s me.  Obviously, Alliance can win Lol Barad, we were defending after all.  But there’s a grim inevitability about whenever I don my holy plate and sally forth to Ironclad Garrison.  I turn into a Rogue magnet.  I shit thee not.  Today I actually had four of the buggers on me at one point.  Afterwards I check damage logs and look at the Alliance rogues, both of them in the top five damage done.  Then I check interrupts done for the whole of a fifteen minute battle and the leader is a warrior.  With one interrupt.

/weep.

Maybe it’s me.  Maybe I’m just a collossal arsehole magnet?  Perhaps the Alliances’ best hope for conquest is if I just stick to doing my dailies and keep the arseholes away from the battlegrounds, following me around calling me gay?

In other news, I just absolutely LOVE Blizzards’ proposed changes to crowd control.  For those of you scratching your heads in puzzlement, what’s planned for the next patch (I think) is that applying crowd control in pve will no longer initiate combat, because getting a trap and a polymorph to go off at the same time is really hard.

Yes, that was sarcasm.

I’ll just let the always reliable Daily Blink sum this one up for me.

/facepalm

Also, I got a new t-shirt!

Kek!

Comments
  1. Jaggar - Sentinals US says:

    Love the story……what an idiot. Don’t worry, they don’t just follow you around. I get the morons all the time as well. I can’t be bothered to deal with them….I just stand there say ok I’ll help and then watch them die and LOL. By the way, considering all 6 of my 85 toons are horde…I don’t like your shirt….lol.

  2. Calli says:

    Well the good news is, there’s a horde version!

  3. Jaggar - Sentinals US says:

    I will definatley have to get one. Maybe it will say “Only gays play alliance”…..JUST KIDDING. It amazed me how many hilarious names you come up with in your post to call these people….pricless. I am trying not to laugh while people are passing my office.

    Maybe he meant you were “happy” and not homosexual!!!!…..who Iam I kidding…he’s a dick like the rest of them.

  4. Calli says:

    Yeah, it’s a pretty good workout for the imagination to avoid repeating myself when I write these posts. There’s just so much arsehole and so little adjective. Maybe I should become a drill instructor?

  5. Jaggar - Sentinals US says:

    You’d make a good one…..”Butt Nuggets”…..lol,lol,lol,lol

  6. EchoPoint says:

    “bottom-feeding oxygen thieves”

    You win. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for that one.

    Great rant.

  7. Siobhann says:

    Funny how PvP brings out the wankers.

    Love the T-shirt, by the way!

  8. Chloe says:

    Shirt model is cute, lol. Is that you? :D

  9. Kurnak says:

    Nah, Calli is sexier than the t-shirt model, specially when wearing his military uniform *hits play on Village People “In the Navy”* :D

  10. Calli says:

    I know where you live!

  11. Kurnak says:

    You think I’m afraid? :P Come and get some!

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