Another week, another failpug story, but this time it’s not mine. Poor old Gnomeageddon takes the prize for Failpug of the Week and puts the “ew!” into “pew pew!” with this absolutely horrific tale of woe. The Deathtards may be the new kids on the block but there’s always a Huntard somewhere willing to go that extra mile to reclaim the title.
The DPS questionairre seems to have caught some attention, with WoW.com giving it some link love, which explains the umpteen bazillion hits I took earlier on in the week. But all the hot news is about the PTR, patch 3.3 and Icecrown Citadel!
So, what’s in it for mages? Well first of all, Arcane is getting a utility buff with the change to Arcane Empowerment meaning that we’ll be giving the same 3% damage buff to the group/raid as Hunters with Ferocious Inspiration or Paladins with Sanctified Retribution. Simply crit with Arcane Explosion, Missiles, Barrage or Blast and everyone gets the buff for the next 10 seconds. The big changes, however, are in the Fire and Frost trees. Fire gets the following very boring changes:
Mana cost of Blast Wave and Dragon’s Breath reduced.
Interrupt immunity granted by Burning Determination is now 20 seconds.
When Firestarter is triggered, it makes the next Flamestrike cost no mana in addition to being instant.
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? Is this a change to Scorch I see before me? You bet your pearly pink panties it is!
The debuff from Improved Scorch no longer stacks, and instead can apply the full effect from a single cast of Scorch.
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! Fire mages rejoice! You no longer have to waste a useful Major Glyph slot to provide a buff that any other class gets either natively or with talents! What happened to the Glyph of Scorch? A 20% Scorch damage increase or something, who cares? It’s still junk. Moving on to Frost, the fun just continues!
Fingers of Frost: This talent now triggers immediately on casting a spell rather than being delayed until the spell strikes the target.
Frozen Core: This talent now also causes Ice Lance critical strikes to reduce the cast time of the mage’s next Frostbolt or Frostfire Bolt by 0.4/0.7/1 seconds.
All good stuff, but nothing to make you wish you’d packed a spare set of underwear. Until we get to the Deep Freeze change, that is:
This spell now deals a large amount of damage to targets permanently immune to stuns. In addition, when this ability deals damage it will no longer consume two charges of Fingers of Frost for those mages with the Shatter talent.
And that is just.. just.. well awesome doesn’t even begin to cover it. Put into simple terms, “targets permanently immune to stuns” means raid and dungeon bosses. Or in other words, Frost now has a 51 point PvE talent. Enough to make Frost competitive in raids? Possibly, I don’t have any numbers, but it’s going to be fun to find out.
Oh and Glyph of Water Elemental now makes ole Frosty a permanent pet.
Calm down, Frost mages, really! There are children present!
Sadly it’s not all beer and skittles. The following pearls of wisdom from the game developers made baby Jesus cry:
Icecrown Citadel is going to be broken up into four distinct sections: The Lower Spire, Plagueworks, Crimson Hall, and Frostwing Halls. We plan on releasing these four sections of Icecrown Citadel over time and not all immediately when patch 3.3.0 goes live.
We believe a staggered release of the content will allow players to experience Icecrown Citadel at a sustainable, measured, and ultimately more enjoyable pace.
There are other elements that gate access along the way. Players may not attempt any Heroic versions of 10 player encounters until they have defeated the Lich King in a 10 player raid. Similarly, players must defeat the Lich King in a 25 player raid before they can attempt a Heroic 25 player encounter. So players must master every normal difficulty encounter in Icecrown Citadel before attempting Heroic difficulty.
There’s even more stuff about how you won’t be allowed to do X until you’ve done Y and so on and so forth, yadda yadda. But with the help of my trusty Bullshit Translator, we can have everything converted into proper English in a jiffy! Wait for it.. here it is:
We want to spin this shit out for as long as possible in order to free up resources for working on Cataclysm and Starcraft 2, so we’re going to drip feed you the next raid instance and force you to progress at a pace we choose rather than the pace your level of skill, gear and determination entitles you to. Yes, this does mean that you’re going to end up clearing all the latest raid content in a night when it’s first released. You can then either call it quits for the week or go back to farming Crusaders’ Coliseum again for the rest of the raid week. No we don’t care. Tough titty.
We will, of course, spin this in such a way that it will appear to the stupid and those without a Bullshit Translator that we’re releasing content this way because we only want the best for you, our loyal customers. Not because we have to make this shit so easy for the common herd that the seasoned raiders burn through it in a night and want more. Oh no. Not us.
And they call me cynical. Pfft.